In my 50s, I started playing goalie in the wonderfully named “Over-the-Hill Soccer League,” Over the years, I relearned some important lessons not only about sports but also about life. Those timely lessons are underscored by today’s #stampoftheday, a 4-cent stamp, issued on November 6, 1961, the 100th birthday of James Naismith, who invented the game of basketball.

Before sharing those lessons, I will stipulate that there is something totally absurd about men in the 50s and 60s, playing competitive team sports. It turns out that men who play organized sports on teams that wear uniforms and play in games with referees in leagues that keep score and give winners t-shirts and trophies take games much too seriously. On Monday mornings, my professional colleagues might be amused by (or least would tolerate) my accounts of what went down on Sunday morning. But in the end, they mainly wanted to know that I hadn’t hurt myself-physically, mentally, or psychologically. As a particularly astute referee once said to team captains before a game, “you all have go to work tomorrow. My job is to make sure you get there.”

That said, I also will tell you that there was much to love about what I sometimes called “old man soccer.” I learned that at its best, competition spurs you to push beyond yourself; close and intense games require a special kind of focus and concentration. I was reminded that team sports, like soccer, can bring together – or drive apart—a disparate group of people together in powerful ways. And I came to particularly appreciate that how we treated each other – on and off the field—had a lot to do with how we performed as a team.

I also learned that in all of this, people reveal their true character. The best teammates – and the best competitors – were those who were focused and cared about the outcome but who didn’t let their passion overwhelm their judgment. In the heat of the game, all of us could get pretty intense, say things we wish we hadn’t said, and even, occasionally do something we shouldn’t have done.

Sometimes, when I saw this happening, I tried (usually unsuccessfully) to settle myself and my teammates by using a phrase I learned from one of my daughters’ frisbee teams. Like them, I would yell “chili, chili” when I saw things were getting so heated that people were losing their focus. And even when that failed, virtually all players could and would pull themselves together, if not during the game then certainly after the game, when, in accordance with longstanding rituals, we would shake hands and try to be gracious in both victory and defeat.

But, there was a small subset of people who went well beyond the pale. Some cared too much and those who cared too much were more than willing to bend, break, and ignore not only the norms but also the rules. They were people who not only weren’t gracious in their dealings with opponents and referees but also treated their teammates badly or acted in ways that reflected badly on their teammates and teams. There are several technical terms for such people. Two are particularly common. One is “asshole.” The other is “jerk.” Such people will always be with us, not only on the field but also off the field as well.

Of course, the opposite is true as well. There are people who are great teammates, great opponents, and great people off the field. I think of the late Ralph Gants, my longtime teammate who also was the chief justice of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court. As one of my former teammates wrote after Ralph’s death, “he was a great right defender. And he was a great defender of rights.”

Jerks and assholes will always be with us and will, in a variety of settings, argue with opponents, referees and their teammates. When, they do so, they are toxic in ways that expand far beyond the specific moment and event.

So what do we do with the jerks and assholes? Pondering this, I remember the referees who found ways to keep control of close games when at least one player on both teams was behaving badly.

More than one referee pulled team captains aside and warned them that the next person to challenge them would get a least a yellow card and perhaps a red one. I recall one referee who made a great show of pulling a red card out of his shirt, and then holding it behind his back where many of my teammates could see it, while he gave one final warning to our team’s “asshole.” That simple gesture got us to tell our teammate to cool it. We were successful; players on the other team weren’t able to control their team’s jerk who was later thrown out of the game. And I remember watching an intense “championship-level” game in which the referee quite loudly rebuked players on both teams by loudly telling them, “Gentleman. You are a disgrace to the game.”

All this comes to mind as we watch what we hope will be end of the presidential campaign, when one of the competitors breaks every norm and many rules. Hopefully, a teammate will get him to behave himself. Since that doesn’t seem likely, it will fall on those charged with enforcing the rules to make sure that such a miscreant can’t take over the game.

In a 1939 interview, Naismith, recalled what happened at the first basketball game. He showed players the baskets, described the game, and explained the rules. Then, he said, “I blew a whistle, and the first game of basketball began….The boys began tackling, kicking, and punching in the clinches. They ended up in a free-for-all in the middle of the gym floor. It certainly was murder.” Naismith changed the rules and made it clear that such behavior wouldn’t be tolerated. And then, he recalled, “we tried out the game…and we didn’t have one casualty.”

We need good teammates and good referees. And, as Joe Biden just noted, we need to remember – on the soccer field, the basketball court, and in elections – that “We are opponents, not enemies.”

Be well, stay safe, don’t be a jerk, fight for justice, and work for peace.